That girl.

I didn't want to be that girl...the girl who starts a blog and then announces to the world that she's pregnant one month later.  Of course I want to be pregnant more than anything, but conceiving again feels somewhat disrepectful to all the couples who have been trying for years.  Yet here I am.  After testing on Sunday and seeing nothing (10 dpo, 11 days post trigger shot), I saw a very faint line yesterday.  It was so faint that I was pretty sure I was making it up.  This morning, however, the line was clear.  It was still faint, but it was definitely there.

I called my RE's office and am going in for my first beta hCG tomorrow (one day earlier than scheduled, thank goodness).  While I know I should be excited that we conceived on our first IUI, I am honestly scared out of my mind.  We have now conceived three cycles in a row, with the first being ectopic and the second going down to 8 on my second beta hCG.  I have no reason to believe this one will be any different, and unlike the last two times, I am running empty on hope.  My fears are multiplied by the great importance that has been placed on the success of this pregnancy.  During one of our last meetings with our RE, he told us that if another pregnancy tuckers out quickly then his diagnosis would be that my tubes don't work and that we should proceed directly to IVF.  

I am so afraid that we will have the same result as last time, and I just don't have the stamina to go through that again, especially so soon.  I keep looking for signs that this one is different, but have failed to find any so far.  Until tomorrow, I am counting down the hours and trying to stay as positive as possible.  This blog has been so wonderful for me, and your comments mean so much...please don't abandon me because of this faint second line, as we still have a long way to go!