Monday, November 15, 2010

worst fears confirmed

We got our hCG results back, and my fears were confirmed...this pregnancy is, once again, not viable.  We are broken, confused, angry, devastated.  For some reason I thought that each loss might get easier, but it doesn't.  Each baby we lose is uniquely loved and will be uniquely missed.  My heart is punctured with three holes now, and none hurt less than the others.  I truly don't understand why God allows us to continue to conceive when every conception results in heartbreak.

I am so afraid to think about where we go from here.  We are meeting with our doctor Thursday to discuss genetic testing and anything else we can do to look for a reason. 

Thank you all for sitting with me and encouraging me this weekend.  I treasure your comments and am thankful for all of your support.

16 comments:

  1. I am so very very sorry to hear this. It is so unfair. I am thinking of you and your husband. A big hug to you.

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  2. oh, I'm so sorry. It won't ever get easier, each of our pregnancies were grieved (6), weather I was still in the Beta testing phase, or 11.5 weeks (post heartbeat being seen). It is something that you look so forward to, and it only ends up in disappointment. I wish you peace and love as you two struggle to grieve this loss, and will be praying for you both.

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  3. I am truly, truly sorry for your pain and know it all too well. Sending virtual hugs to you, I have no answers or worthwhile advise but know that you will work along with your Doctor to find out the whys so you can move into the joys. I believe this for you. In the meantime rest, mourn and be surrounded by those that love and understand you. x

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  4. ((HUGS)) I am so sorry to hear this and am thinking of you.

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  5. I am so sorry for your loss(es). My thoughts are with you and your husband.

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  6. Oh, honey. I wish we were friends in real life so I could show up at your house with some hot chocolate and a package of oreos and rub your feet and let you cry!! My heart is really broken for you and your hubby, and the three little babies you've lost. I hope the doctors can help you find some answers and put a little hope back into your life.

    I *know* it won't be a guest room forever...

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  7. I'm here via Andie's blog. I'm so very sorry. You're right. It doesn't get easier. In some ways it gets harder. A loss just compounds the ones that have gone before it. I'm so very sorry that you are here.

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  8. Here from Andie's blog, too. I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this again, and I agree with Adele ... I think it gets harder, every time you allow yourself to hope. I'm thinking about you and those little lives lost, and hoping that you get some answers soon. *hugs* to you.

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  9. Oh sweetie, I'm so very sorry. I was really hoping you would be that girl... I hope you can find some answers. But in the meantime, take care of yourself. I'm so very sorry, and you and your husband are in my thoughts.

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  10. My heart breaks for you - so, so sorry. I know we don't know each other in real life, but I'm here to listen if you need it. Thinking of you.

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  11. Sorry to hear this. It's so unfair. Glad you are meeting with your Dr to get some testing done. Hopefully you will find some answers.

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  12. I am so sorry to hear this news. I really hope your doctor is able to help come up with a plan to get to the bottom of this.

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  13. New follower, here. My heart is grieved for you. I hope you get the medical answers you need, and that the doctors will have the wisdom to help you with this.

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  14. All my love to you.

    Here from Lulu's house.

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  15. I'm so sorry. Good luck with the doctors on Thursday. I know it's always good to have a plan, but remember you don't have to go see them right now if things are too raw.

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  16. My heart hurts for you. Lots of love sent your way

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