We are not medicating this cycle and are giving my body a bit of a break in our (potential) run up to IVF. We are not, however, using any "barrier method" of birth control. As we were driving home from church this morning, A said, "Wouldn't it be great if we got pregnant this month?" My response: "I don't really want to get pregnant this month. I'm pretty exhausted, and getting pregnant is pretty much the same as getting a cold. I don't have the energy for it this month."
I immediately realized this was not a normal response, but for me at least it was an honest one. Rather than being the route to having a baby, being pregnant has become a temporary health condition. Oh, two lines? No worries...I will feel a little off for a few days, then within a week things will be right back to "normal." Just like a cold.
I know I need to change my perspective before we go to IVF. I want to proceed with IVF with as many positive thoughts as I can fit in my head. But the only experiences I have had with pregnancies have been short, scary, and over too soon. We all have our ways of coping, and I would love any advice on how to view pregnancy as a positive thing again.
This is so sad. I wish pregnancies were more happy, but for those of us with previous losses, they're not, at least not for a long time. Hopefully we'll have different experiences one day, and be able to be happy AND pregnant. I have no advice for you on how to change that perspective unfortunately. All I know is that I have faith that one day our luck will change.
ReplyDeleteI have no advice, as I have never seen those two lines. However, I think there are times we all just need "mental" breaks. Twice now in our TTC journey, I have called a time out. We actually do prevent. Because I have learned that even if we aren't "trying" it is still in my head.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you need one of those. A month to not even think about it, or hope for it. I have found them to be nice breathers.
Hope that helps!
I totally understand why you said that, although I am sure your husband thought you were totally crazy. If I could skip through the pregnancy part, seeing how much that scares me, I would be very happy.
ReplyDeleteI have faith that you will make it through IVF just fine, or fine enough which is how I look at it. It is amazing what we do when we know we have no choice. You just sort of find a way to do it.
Withyou eveyr step of the way.
"But the only experiences I have had with pregnancies have been short, scary, and over too soon." I feel your pain. My heart breaks for you.
ReplyDelete"We all have our ways of coping, and I would love any advice on how to view pregnancy as a positive thing again." I have no idea how this is even possible, given all that you've gone through. Each of my pregnancies after my first two losses were..."oh shit, here we go again."
My words certainly didn't offer you anything good, did they? I was just trying to let you know that I can relate and that it just sucks.
Do all that you need to do to focus on what's coming up. (((HUGS)))
I have been trying to think of advice but I can't come up with any. Maybe just try to take pleasure in sex for fun and be glad that you still want to have it in the first place...: )
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