I am neurotic. Due to my complete inability to control anything in this process, I find it impossible not to pee on sticks. I know I shouldn't, but I truly can't help myself.
I had one test in my drawer, so yesterday morning I checked to make sure the trigger shot was gone. One line, with the remainder of the window a stark white. Last night, A and I went to Wal-Mart to stock up on First Response tests (I have found that Wal-Mart is significantly cheaper for these). I had been having a down day, feeling a little hopeless, and was really having the urge to test. So before bed, against A's advice, I went for it. I was sure I was just wasting $4, but at this point money is somewhat irrelevant. I have taken lots of First Resopnse tests over the last 9 months, and I know when I see something. And last night I saw something...something very faint, more of "where the line should be" than a line, but something nonetheless. It was that little bit of hope that I so desparately needed.
I woke up at 3:00 in the morning with a full bladder, but I wanted to wait as long as possible to test again. I made it to 5:00 a.m., then quietly got up and went for test #2. And there was a faint line. You didn't even have to squint or hold the stick at a certain angle to see it. 5 days post 5 day transfer, and hope was staring at me from my bathroom counter.
I know as well as anyone that a positive test doesn't always mean a baby. I know that it could be a false positive, another chemical pregnancy, or that something could go wrong down the road. But for today I am pregnant, and I am overjoyed.