Tuesday, January 18, 2011

the beauty of ART

When we learn that our babies will be conceived in the doctor's office rather than the bedroom, we are disappointed.  Our disappointment stems not only from the fact that we know we need medical intervention to conceive, but also from the loss of intimacy in the baby making process.  Making a baby is supposed to happen in a moment of fun, passion, and love.  Conception normally results from the most intimate act between a man and woman.  Instead, we conceive with stirrups, catheters, and ultrasound machines.  To the outside world, this method of conception appears cold, sterile, and definitely second-rate.

I had my first embryo transfer this past Sunday, and it was truly a moment of beauty.  Before going into the procedure room, I was given pictures of my two embryos.  I gazed at them and dreamed of the children they might become.  Once I was situated on the table, my husband held my hand, and together we watched the screen as the liquid containing our two little embryos floated into my uterus.  I cried, of course, and A teared up but managed to keep his composure.  Then we received photos of our little ones' first few moments in their mommy.  Whether we get pregnant or not, it was a moment I will always treasure.  It was intimate, sweet, and potentially life-changing...everything making a baby should be.

I think that in comparing ART with "natural" conception, people often romanticize sex.  But let's be honest, sex, especially sex when you're trying to conceive, is not necessarily pretty.  It often includes ovulation predictor kits, making sure you use the right sexual positions, propping yourself on a pillow to avoid losing any little swimmers, or even injecting "sperm friendly" lubricant into yourself.  None of these things should really be categorized as romantic.  So for now, I am letting go of the sadness of having to conceive with assistance, and instead relishing in the extra moments I got with Bit and Bitty.  I feel privileged to have been so intimately involved in the beginning of their precious lives.

12 comments:

  1. This is such a sweet post. Thanks for giving us all some hope and encouragement : )

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  2. This is so true in so many ways...

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  3. Personally I think there is nothing cold about it. Your heart and home are warm, filled with love and hope. Unfortunatly a large percetage of conceptions are made out of much worse actions. So many women do not even know about thier gift until weeks in, but you and your husband get to love your Bit and Bitty from the very beginning.

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  4. Thank you for this beautiful post. I have felt upset multiple times about the fact that making a baby will entail a non-romantic, sterile room and a third party...but you have helped me see another side of this situation. One that I may be facing somday soon and made it out to be something magical. Thanks.

    With your permission, could I possibly repost YOUR post on my blog sometime soon? I couldn't not have said it any better and it would be an honor to show people your way of thinking.

    http://missconception-ads.blogspot.com/

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  5. I teared up reading this post... tears of joy, that is. :)

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  6. I love this post - you managed to make it sound tender and romantic! Bravo for you! Lets face it, though we all wish for those tender, intimate moments, they very rarely happen unless well planned. Usually (especially when TTC and needing to do it so many times around 'o' time) its "lets get this done again...only 3 more times this week and we can have a rest!" lol. Wishing all good things, cant wait to see how this turns out! x

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  7. So true. I had the same wonderful experience with our transfer. My hubby and RE also "kissed" the babies before they transferred them...so sweet.

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  8. Agh! You are in the wait!

    Be strong and be as positive as you can these tough days. You are not alone.

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  9. Great post. You are right that there is something magical about the process of IVF and to have a embryo picture of your baby before he/she really becomes your baby is amazing.
    I am so glad that you guys had those special moments together. Sending lots of luck and love your way,

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  10. I love this - thanks for the amazing reminder. Thinking of you in your waiting...

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  11. I LOVE this post. Such a good way to put it.
    I am so happy that you found the beauty in the situation!!!

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  12. Love it!! Hold onto that positive thinking. What IS beautiful is two people dedicated and passionate enough to be willing to do whatever it takes to create a family. That says a lot!

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