changing definitions

While reading last night, I came across this little jewel: "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted, saves those whose spirit is crushed." Psalm 34: 19 (I promise this is not a religious post).  A little blast from the past--I cannot tell you how many times I heard this in high school.  With every break-up and betrayal, this verse would inevitably be quoted.

As I lay in bed not sleeping, a common theme these days, I thought about the concept of heartbreak.  My first memory of a broken heart is from fourth grade.  My friends had started a club--they even had matching wallets--and for some reason they wouldn't let me join.  In high school and college, heartbreak inevitably came in the form of boys.  Recently, of course, heartbreak has come from seeing two lines that shortly go back to being just one.

As I have grown older, heartbreak has become more complex.  I have learned what it means to be heartbroken for others.  I have also learned that there is a difference in heartbreak and heart ache, and fortunately discovered that truly broken hearts are much less common than I once thought. 

Lying there, I began to wonder what my next phase of heartbreak would be.  Sure, there are the pains we cannot plan for, like diagnoses and deaths, but many stages of life come with built in aches.  I know that I will be a mother one day, but I also know that being a mom will not mean an end to heartbreak.  How will it feel to hear my child cry and know I can't take the pain away?  To not have the right words when a friend has been unkind?  To watch my little teenager go through his or her first crushing break-up?  I know there will be moments of heartbreak as I watch my little ones grow, and I so long for the chance to experience every last one of them.