Like so many of you, I am having trouble with the holidays this year. I am so focused on starting stims on the 31st...I just wish I could skip Christmas and get started with IVF. I realize that's not going to happen (the fertility patient's life is full of waiting, after all). I fear that I am putting too much hope into this IVF cycle. I keep reminding myself that there is a good chance it won't work, but I know that my heart is extremely attached to the cycle. As I wait to get started, I am being constantly reminded of the potential for wonderful success or gutwrenching heartbreak associated with our next treatment.
I know that some people in the infertility world do not like Guiliana and Bill Rancic, but I have added their show to my DVR list and find myself waiting to find out what happens next. Last night they found out that their second IVF cycle didn't work...they weren't pregnant. I felt so sad watching this ending, but I also found it to be an interesting commentary on fertility treatments. Even the best treatment money can buy does not ensure that you will end up with a baby. I think there is a misperception in the world that many people go into IVF flippantly, often because it is most convenient for them. This is so false. I would venture to say that 99% of the people who undergo IVF have spent countless hours debating the pros and cons and have tried everything else possible to get pregnant. I also think there is a misperception that if you try hard enough you will eventually get pregnant. Unfortunately, this is not the case.
In my own life, I see people end at so many different destinations. Two of the former patients I bought meds from both went to my doctor and both used the same protocol. One is now expecting twins, and the other is still painfully childless. When I read your blogs, I see so many stories of heartbreaking negatives...but I have also gotten to watch as some of you found out a child was joining your family (tasivfer, calmly chaotic, jenn, mrs. joe, rebecca). I cherish the stories of success, as they give me hope. But I also cherish the stories of not-yet-successes that are shared, as they help me keep some perspective and give me strength to continue. Hopefully we will all have our own success stories to tell one day. I so want that day to be on beta day after our upcoming IVF, but am trying to remember that it's extremely far from a guarantee.
Oh man I LOVE Giuliana and Bill and I was crying during last nights episode. My husband and I have been ttc w/ PCOS since March and will be doing our first IUI this month. This show has been such an eye opener and I love how open they were with everything.
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In my infertility journey, I have found it so helpful to be aware of all the different scenarios - good, bad, and awful. It helps me know the possibilities, and keep the hope too! I have such hope for this IVF cycle for you!
ReplyDeleteFingers crossed you'll be one of the lucky ones who gets a BFP first time! Also, I know the waiting thing all too well, but try to have at least one thing lined up that you'll really enjoy over Christmas. It helps break up the wait!
ReplyDeleteYou know who I'm ticked at? Mariah Carey. Really honey? 40 y/o and pregnant with twins after a miscarriage? Why bother denying IVF? Then she said something to some magazine about how "I wanted it so badly I knew that it would work out for me." Ohhh, I just need to WANT it more. Got it.
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Sending you strength and good luck for this cycle :)
ReplyDeleteI am glad that Giuliana's story can break through some of the IF myths that are out there (even though I am so sad for her for what she is going through). I ditto the Mariah Carey comment by the way. I have had so many people say "why don't you try IVF" well buddy after 5 failed ivf cycles I can totally say IT DOESN'T ALWAYS WORK!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI am holding so much hope for you with this cycle and are here to hold your hand along the way....
I don't watch the show but I would if I could figure out when it's on here or if it is. I like them because they went public. I like when people get out there with infertility. People need to know this exists.
ReplyDeleteI know the waiting is so so hard so I hope the time flies by for you. I can't wait to follow along your first IVF!
I too am impatient for you to get on with your IVF cycle. I am slowly headed that way and want to make sure I know what I am getting into. It helps to talk with someone who has gone through these things. I'll be listening!
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It is so tough. All of it. And while I want you to have the little baby you have always wanted, I wish you peace in the waiting, and no matter what the outcome. Good Luck!
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