Like so many of you, I am having trouble with the holidays this year. I am so focused on starting stims on the 31st...I just wish I could skip Christmas and get started with IVF. I realize that's not going to happen (the fertility patient's life is full of waiting, after all). I fear that I am putting too much hope into this IVF cycle. I keep reminding myself that there is a good chance it won't work, but I know that my heart is extremely attached to the cycle. As I wait to get started, I am being constantly reminded of the potential for wonderful success or gutwrenching heartbreak associated with our next treatment.
I know that some people in the infertility world do not like Guiliana and Bill Rancic, but I have added their show to my DVR list and find myself waiting to find out what happens next. Last night they found out that their second IVF cycle didn't work...they weren't pregnant. I felt so sad watching this ending, but I also found it to be an interesting commentary on fertility treatments. Even the best treatment money can buy does not ensure that you will end up with a baby. I think there is a misperception in the world that many people go into IVF flippantly, often because it is most convenient for them. This is so false. I would venture to say that 99% of the people who undergo IVF have spent countless hours debating the pros and cons and have tried everything else possible to get pregnant. I also think there is a misperception that if you try hard enough you will eventually get pregnant. Unfortunately, this is not the case.
In my own life, I see people end at so many different destinations. Two of the former patients I bought meds from both went to my doctor and both used the same protocol. One is now expecting twins, and the other is still painfully childless. When I read your blogs, I see so many stories of heartbreaking negatives...but I have also gotten to watch as some of you found out a child was joining your family (tasivfer, calmly chaotic, jenn, mrs. joe, rebecca). I cherish the stories of success, as they give me hope. But I also cherish the stories of not-yet-successes that are shared, as they help me keep some perspective and give me strength to continue. Hopefully we will all have our own success stories to tell one day. I so want that day to be on beta day after our upcoming IVF, but am trying to remember that it's extremely far from a guarantee.