Even when you think you are doing something completely innocuous, infertility and/or pregnancy loss sneaks up and bites you in the butt. These unpleasant stings typically come in the form of questions posed by the outside world.
While walking my two precious pups, I met an older neighbor on the road. She told me how much she loved Yorkies, how many Yorkies she has had, etc. Then, suddenly, she looked at me and boldly asked, "Do you have children?" "No, not yet," I was able to choke out. She then proceeded to inform me that I was smart to not have kids, that dogs are so much better. I quickly resumed my walk and ended the conversation.
I know that before we found ourselves here, I too asked insensitive questions. I am sure that I questioned people about when they wanted kids or how many kids they wanted. Now I cringe and pray that I never asked someone who was mired in infertility or who had just found out that a pregnancy was not to be. When I step back, I realize that the questioners I encounter mean no harm...they believe they are asking innocent questions, simply expressing interest in mine and A's life. The hard part, though, is answering the questions.
"Do you have kids?" I hate answering that question. No, I don't have children, but yes, I have carried three little lives for a short period of time.
"When are you guys going to have kids?" It seems a bit like over-sharing to say "as soon as my medical team can figure out a way to make it stick."
Sometimes I just want to be extremely honest, but I know that would make the questioner feel bad and wouldn't really solve any of my problems. So, for now, I continue to say that no, we don't have kids, and yes, we hope to have kids soon. Hopefully those answers will be changing for all of us soon!