Wednesday, December 15, 2010


I've read lots of inspirational blog posts/books/articles about how infertility made someone a better person.  I hope to get to that point one day--to be able to look back and see that my life was enriched in some way by all of this--but for now, I am at least ready to admit that our fertility issues have made me a different person. 

I am a more empathetic person.  I have always considered empathy to be a gift I possessed, but there's a whole new level now.  When I see someone in a difficult situation, my heart literally hurts for them.  I suppose this deeper level of feeling is due to the fact that I have real-life experience with deeper sorrow now. 

I am more careful with my words.  I have learned how the most seemingly innocuous words can sting, and try to choose the words I speak and write with greater concern for how they might affect their recipient.

I have fewer fights with my husband.  Don't get me wrong...I still throw an all-out, irrational tantrum once in a while (this past weekend, for instance).  In general, though, I pick fewer fights.  I'm not sure if this is because I have realized that most of what I fight about is irrelevant in the big picture or because I'm just too tired to get started.

I am much better at all things medical.  I can now get my blood drawn without my husband present and don't even pass out when they have to go to the veins behind my knees.  I still get a little queasy when certain procedures are being described, but am leaps and bounds beyond where I was a year ago.

I have decided that maybe the Duggars aren't so crazy.  Yes, 19 kids is a lot........okay, I guess they are still pretty nutty.

I talk on the phone a lot less.  We don't have a landline, and in November I used less than 150 minutes on my cell phone.  I just don't have the energy to engage in small talk anymore and thus have found myself avoiding phone conversations all together.

I'm not sure that these are all for the better, and I don't know how permanent they are.  It will be interesting to see how life continues to evolve if we ever get to the other side of this journey. 


  1. I have written about this too. IF does change us and it is not always in bad ways. I am think I am just more sensitive to everything around me now and for that I am really grateful. I do hope we get to take the good stuff along with us when we finally get off this crazy ride!!!!!

  2. I have stopped talking on the phone too. I am just so much more of a social hermit lately.

  3. I feel the same way. I will go a week and realize I didn't call my friends or my mom once. I used to be the exact opposite. It's just hard when someone says "So what's going on in your life?" How much detail are you supposed to go into?

    I liked reading your insights.

  4. IF does certainly change us. I've been so much more conscious of my relationship with the hubs. Fighting isn't worth it, is it? Interesting post - makes me think.

  5. Yep, I am definately different. Some things are better and some turned out worse. I feel much stronger and able to handle things, but I am more negative also....
    Hopefully in the long run, we will all be better people for it.