Sunday, February 20, 2011

token meltdown

My RE does an ultrasound each week during the first trimester.  It's such a treat to see these babies grow each week, but I'm beginning to notice a not so great behavioral pattern.  Because I don't work on Mondays, I always schedule my appointment for Monday.  And, unfailingly, I have a bit of a breakdown on Sunday.

This weekend A and I went to visit a city to which we are considering moving.  On both Friday and Saturday, I had little to no nausea, which always makes me a bit nervous.  I managed to contain my breakdown until tdoay.  I began the day with a mini-box of cheerios, then after church had my second breakfast of a yummy, buttery biscuit.  As we were driving home, though, extreme hunger struck and I HAD to eat.  We spotted a Cracker Barrell and quickly ordered.  This is where the breakdown began.  I started crying at the table waiting for food because I was so hungry I was in pain.  I pulled it together and made it through lunch, but once we got back into the car the sobbing began.  I let out all my fears that these babies are not going to be okay...that we are going to go to an ultrasound one week and it's all going to be over...that this cannot be real...that this cannot end well.

I know I can't worry like this every day, or even every week, but it's so hard to believe that I might end up with two healthy babies.  Praying for a little more peace every day, and hoping for the same for each of  you as well.  

15 comments:

  1. I'm sorry you had a bad day :( I know how you feel, I'm so nervous to get my first ultrasound and have it be bad news. I am praying for you!

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  2. I think this is probably very normal, considering everything. But that doesn't make it fair. I wish you could enjoy your pregnancy 100% with no worries, but if that's impossible, I hope you can just take deep breaths and make it through the panic.

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  3. How you're feeling is so normal. I always hated how I feel when I get hungry now that I'm pregnant. It was even worse in the first tri. I had to eat...and NOW.

    I hope that you get great news again tomorrow.

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  4. I 100% understand why you'd be nervous.
    I love to worry. And am sure that, when the stakes are SO high, the worrying only gets worse. You are a strong woman - and fought REALLY hard to get to this point. Keep fighting. Those babies picked you as their mother for a reason. I am confident tomorrow will bring great news.
    Sending love...

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  5. PS: this is super nerdy - but this might cheer you up.
    http://www.stuff4multiples.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=1&products_id=17

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  6. I know that feeling well! Unfortunately (as the nurse at my RE's office told me before my first appointment)...this is just the beginning of your worry---you will now worry for the rest of your life about these little ones!
    Hang in there, know you are not alone and enjoy this as much as you can!

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  7. This is all a sign that your hormone levels are increasing, which is what's supposed to happen each week when you have a health pregnancy :)

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  8. My anxiety levels raise as I get closer to an ultrasounds - and I'm always certain my 'symptoms' lessen as well! But I think you have a fab-o RE for doing an ultrasound each week in the 1st trimester. Mine did one and then you're off their books. I hope the reassurance of the scan outweighs the meltdown before! And you don't need to be worried a bout a scan to have a meltdown when you don't get to eat when you're hungry; when you're hungry you need to eat immediately. My husband still doesn't understand that and thinks that means it's time to start cooking. :-/

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  9. I'm sorry you are having meltdowns on Sundays but I totally understand. I keep thinking that it is going to get easier and one of these days I am just going to be excited and not stressed out at all. I doubt that will happen but I am really trying to focus on being positive and enjoying pregnancy as much as I can. Sending positive thoughts your way!!!

    Oh and YAY for weekly ultrasounds! Will be thinking of you tomorrow...

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  10. *HUGS* I think these feelings are all probably pretty normal after everything that has happened, and even more especially right before an ultrasound.

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  11. The not knowing is so hard! I know that everything will be great today!

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  12. I hope your ultrasound is wonderful today - thinking of you!!!

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  13. I am hoping you have more peace today. I just wanted to share with you what a friend once said to me - "once you have children your heart beats outside of your chest" I think this was her way of telling me that the journey towards motherhood is so intense, raw, powerful and amazing all at once. You are forever changed . . . as you get through more and more weeks I hope you can hold onto positive thoughts. Thinking of you today!

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