When I arrived yesterday for our IUI, the nurse who was running A's sperm came walking from the back of the office to greet me. She was shaking her head and asking whether A was with me, so dread began to fill my stomach. Her first words were "my machine won't even count his sperm." How could this be right? A had an analysis about eight months ago, and everything looked perfect. Now we were adding sperm trouble to our list of hurdles?!? I guess she could tell we were befuddled, so she quickly explained that her machine could not count them because there were too many. Too many sperm! Superman sperm, she called them. In our 1/2 cc that they inserted, instead of the 10 million that they prefer, A had produced 52 million.
Don't get me wrong, this is wonderful news, and we are more than grateful...but it is also further confirmation that either my eggs, my tubes, or my uterus are truly sub-par. If A had married a "normal" girl, he would have knocked her up months ago. Instead, he and his superman sperm are stuck with me. Here's hoping there is no kryptonite anywhere in my reproductive system.
Don't blame yourself. There is enough guilt and shame involved in this whole shitty thing without going down the "if he/I had married someone else" path. He married you and as long as you're both happy with that decision then there shall be no looking back from here!!! : )
ReplyDelete(easier said than done, I know).
much love--
Try not to think that way. In my situation it is reversed - I am "superwoman" lol and he is severely lacking sperm... his count would have been closer to 2000 ... and I never think that if I married someone else things would be easier. You can't help how your body is and it's your shared issue not yours alone.
ReplyDeleteMy tubes are gubbed, but my husband also has a low count and we have to use ICSI (although the consultant said it was still more than enough for a viable pregnancy). At the start I was convinced everything was my fault, over time it's just something we've both had to deal with. Don't be too hard on yourself; I know it's hard, but try to look at it as one less thing that could be wrong that you now don't have to worry about, rather than beat yourself up.
ReplyDeleteAlso, if the situations were reversed, would you be dumping your husband and heading off with a more fertile model? Don't think so!