I am an attorney. I consider myself to be honest, nice, and loyal, but I am an attorney nonetheless. When A and I first began trying, I was a young litigation associate at a large law firm. Translation: I worked countless hours, including most nights and weekends, in search of the billable hour. Granted, I was well compensated, but I was more than overworked. Before our baby-dancing commenced, I was already a bit disillusioned with my job...I often spent my days trying to save large, wealthy companies a few extra dollars. But soon into our reproductive journey, I realized that being an associate and becoming a mom were simply incompatible for me. A and I knew that we might need expensive treatments in the future, something that my lucrative salary would help support, but we also knew that having to schedule sex between document review sessions was probably not helping our efforts. So we took a leap and I took a new job.
I am now the first ever General Counsel (actually first ever attorney on staff) at a non-profit in our city. This organization serves the disabled and disadvantaged in our community, and I was lucky to find a position in an organization with such a remarkable mission. The hours are great, the people seem nice, but being the first at anything is never easy. The responsibility of shaping this position into something useful to the organization falls solely to me. I am usually the first to volunteer for a challenge, but lately I feel completely spent. I want so badly to be a good new employee, to create a position that will endure beyond me, but my heart and energy are elsewhere.
I have heard from many women that their job is an escape from the TTC journey, somewhere they can get lost in something other than baby-making. For me, however, it feels like the tests, monitoring, appointments, hope and heartbreak are literally a full-time job. I cannot find the capacity to commit to both fertility treatments and lawyering. Taking a break from work is not a real option for me right now, so I am trying to take work one day at a time and be as committed as possible under the circumstances. Hopefully between google searches about "ways to increase the success rate of iui," I can produce enough legal mumbo jumbo to appear useful for now.
Sounds like a great job...Hopefully it will allow for TTC time once you get established.
ReplyDeleteWould your employers let you work from home sometimes? I did that during my fresh IVF cycle and it really helped me manage things better, also felt like it was less obvious I was in and out of the office for appointments.
ReplyDeleteI totally get this! Sometimes I just have to do what I can. And if you have a few days of rockstar work, it makes up for the total slacker days too... I'm so happy for you that you decided to go to something a little easier on your schedule - wise woman. You're going to be a great mom...
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by my blog and your kind words, it means a lot! I know how you feel about the job, there are so many days in which I wish I could at least just work part time, but as you said if we want to continue with infertility treatments the work must go on. Glad you were at least able to find a position that cut down on your hours and allows you a bit more relaxation time. Look forward to following your journey and hoping the future holds happiness for you!
ReplyDeleteYes, being a fertility patient is a full-time job. Seriously. The uncertainty of all the scheduling of appointments is just ridiculous. So, I'd give yourself credit for maintaining 2 full-time jobs!! Before I quit mine, I definitely had some days where I didn't get much done at my paying job - and only made progress on my 'infertility' job (usually with Dr. Google.) Take care and thanks for commenting on my blog!
ReplyDeleteMy job is just kind of an accessory to my infertility at this point...like the perfect bracelet. It provides us with excellent medical coverage, it's flexible enough that I can attend all my appointments using lunch break time instead of depleting my vacation days, and it's full of (generally) understanding women who don't blink if you have to go to a last-minute appt. The work is easy enough that I have plenty of time to spend on blogs.
ReplyDeleteCareer...what is this word? I don't understand. My career is trying to get pregnant. ; )