Thursday, October 21, 2010


Last year, A and I helped begin a young married couples group at our church.  We thought it would be a great way to meet people in our age bracket.  The group has resumed meeting this year, and out of the five regular couples who attend, two are pregnant...very pregnant.  We had a get together last night, and A practically begged me to sit this one out.  I had felt overwhelmed all day, and he tried to convince me that a night at home with the dogs would be more beneficial to my mental health.  Not wanting to let my fertility issues rule my like, I declared that I would be attending, that it might actually be good for me. 

The pregnancies have never been a central topic of discussion at our meetings before.  Last night, however, was an exception.  Our priest had invited an engaged couple to join us, and almost immediately upon walking in, the bride-to-be exclaimed, "There must be something in the water, you're all pregnant!"  Not all, I wanted to point out (though not for lack of trying).  A few minutes later, our new associate priest walks in and begins chatting.  Less than sixty seconds into the conversation, he asked if this was the group for people having kids, people raising our future parishioners.  Surely this is it, I think.  No more stabs in the gut tonight.  Not so.  As we were eating, I tried to politely disengage myself from a conversation about which birthing classes are best, and how they just hope their babies don't decide to come early and muck up pre-made plans.  Then, trying to be polite, I ask one of the fathers how much vacation he is taking when the baby is born.  He quickly responds with "Two weeks, since it's at Christmas.  We planned it that way."  Well, isn't that nice...planning exactly when you want to conceive to give yourself a convenient due date!   The final, and probably worst moment, came at the end of the night.  One couple had brought their 3-D ultrasound pictures.  I saw the dad standing there with them and tried to back away quickly, but I was too late.  "Don't you want to see our ultrasound pictures?"  So there I stood, one week to the day after learning that we lost our second pregnancy, looking at an ultrasound picture of a healthy baby girl.

To be fair, these two couples have no ideal that we just lost two pregnancies.  And I usually like these people...they are intelligent, fun, and have many of the same views on our church as A and I do.  But last night I was certain that they were little demons sent directly from Hell to rip the newly forming scabs off my fresh wounds.  The moral of the story is simple....I should listen to A more.


  1. OMG this was horrific to even read. I am so sorry, this was absolutely the worst thing. Please know I said a prayer for you today to help heal that (extra) pain that was dealt to you tonight. Hugs x

  2. Oh Honey...I am so sorry you had to deal with this. You are very brave for even attending. It's ok if you don't go to the next one for sanities sake.

  3. I can't believe you had to suffer through this group - I'm so very sorry - that sounds awful.