firsts

I am 22.5 weeks pregnant....with twins...really?!?!?!  This past week has been filled with special moments that I was afraid I might never experience.  Our cribs came in, and last night I sat in the nursery while A put them both together.  I can now see the babies move--not just feel them, but actually see them move my belly.  And this afternoon, we're headed to a nearby city where many of our friends live for our first baby shower. 

Many of you, the people who were pulling for me during our IVF cycle in January, are now somewhere in the IVF process yourself.  Know of my constant prayers for you.  I follow along in great anticipation, hoping to see more babies coming to families who truly deserve them.

still going

It's been too long since I posted on here, so I wanted to check in with you all.  Everything is continuing to go well...we will hit 20 weeks on Tuesday, it's definitely a boy and a girl, and so far they look perfect.  Pinch me, please.  We did have a little snag on Friday, which brought to the surface how terrified I still am for these babies.  I called telling the doctor that over the past few days I had quite a bit of thin, watery discharge.  I was sure they would tell me it was fine, but instead they asked how quickly I could be there.  I rushed in, and thankfully it turned out to be a bladder infection, but I got all the pre-term labor tests.  I am so thankful that the babies are well, but reminded of how fragile they still are.
I've been quietly following all of your blogs and praying for the best for each of you.  I know I haven't been the best commenter, but I have honestly had to be less involved in this world for a while.  The fear I feel for these babies is overwhelming, and it's difficult to be reminded of how badly things can turn out.  I find it easier to stay positive for them if I insulate myself a bit.  That said, I promise I am still reading and still pulling for you...and I'm sorry to be a bad commenter.  Thank you all for continuing to stick with me. 

pink & blue

After today's ultrasound, we are 98% sure that we are having a boy and a girl!  I guess there's always a chance the doctors are wrong or the pictures are bad, but we feel pretty confident.  We are so, so excited!  Bring on the pink & blue!

tomorrow

Tomorrow is an exciting day...we are going back to the doctor to confirm the sexes!  Tomorrow, however, is also a difficult day.  It is the estimated due date for our first pregnancy, the ectopic.  It's ironic that these two things fall on the same day, but I am hopeful that the excitement of tomorrow can keep the more difficult feelings in check.  After all, I am utterly grateful to be expecting my twins.  Yes, I wish I had met that first baby, but if I had these twins would have never been conceived. 

15 weeks and a little news....

We are 15 weeks tomorrow!!!  I am so, so thankful to be this far along.  We had an ultrasound this morning, and of course were dying to know if the doctor could see anything as far as sexes go, and....Baby A is definitely a boy!!!!!!!!!!!!

We are not telling anyone in real life, but I was dying to share, so here I am.  I was surprised that our doctor called it as confidently as he did, but it was VERY evident.  Baby A was definitely not shy!  I am so, so excited.  My husband is the most wonderful man in the world, and I couldn't be more ecstatic about him having a son!  Plus, I am totally in love with our boy name, so I'm super pumped that we definitely get to use it.  It's my grandmother's maiden name and my father-in-law and his father's middle name, so it has lots of meaning for both sides of the family.

Everyone seemed to think Baby B was a girl, but there wasn't enough confidence to call it.  After doing some google imaging, I really think we may have a boy/girl set on the way, but still have a tiny feeling that Baby B will turn out to be a boy as well.  We have our next ultrasound in two weeks and should be able to tell for sure then. 

first trimester down

I am officially through the first trimester, and so, so thankful.  The twins are still doing beautifully.  Every day seems like another miracle...another day closer to viability.

I did start a non-anonymous blog for family and friends, and was extremely honest about our path to this pregnancy.  And, I'm happy to report, that I have gotten the most amazing feedback.  Sharing our story has touched so many people and even led some to share their own stories with me.  Thank you for all of your encouragement to be honest--definitely the right decision.

a friend's heartbreak

There is a moment when you realize that you and your best friend won't be pregnant together...your babies won't be four weeks apart.  There is deep grief when you get that terrible phone call.  There is also a slight sense of relief when you realize you aren't the one with bad news this time. 

On Friday, one of my dearest friends was supposed to have her first ultrasound.  She should have been 8 weeks pregnant, and being just over four weeks ahead of her, I knew that she should easily see a little blob baby and a heartbeat.  She got pregnant within four months and has never had a loss, so I honestly wasn't worried for her...I was excited.  She called around noon and managed to squeak out, "It didn't go well."  My heart sank immediately.  Apparently there was a perfect gestational sac, but that was it.  No yolk sac, no fetal pole. 

I'm a little disheartened by the advice she received from her doctor.  They told her maybe she had counted wrong, she was still early, and that they would check her blood on Saturday and Monday.  Three weeks ago, though, she had a beta of just over 1,000.  I hope they aren't giving her false hope.  I pray that I am wrong, that I'm being overly cynical because of my own experiences, but it doesn't look good.

My heart is just breaking for her.  I always thought it would be nice to be "normal," to call and tell the doctor you're pregnant and be told to come in at 8 weeks for your first ultrasound.  Maybe normal isn't always good, though.  For my friend, she has lived the last 3 weeks in ignorant bliss, thinking her baby was growing away inside.  Maybe it would have been easier if she could have found out sooner.  Not that anything could make a situation like this easy.....