Sunday, March 6, 2011

telling the fam

Both of our mothers kept asking when they could tell extended family, and we pushed them off as long as possible.  We had told several friends, though, and started to get nervous that word would accidentally slip out and we would hurt someone's feelings.  So on Friday, we gave the go-ahead to tell family.  It's's been so wonderful to receive so many warm messages, but it also brings on a new sense of anxiety.  I can't help but think of all the people we will have to un-tell if things don't end the way we want.  For now, though, I am grateful for their support and prayers...and I'm also grateful that no one has really inquired about the twins thing.

Which brings me to my next point....pregnancy loss and IVF is a huge part of our journey, and it feels wrong not to share the entire story.  I truly believe that the more honest we all are, the less of a stigma infertility will carry.  We started a blog for our real life friends (they don't know about this one), and I feel compelled to tell our whole story there.*  I know this may ruffle some feathers, so I am trying to weigh the cost/benefit and make sure I am doing it for the right reasons.  Maybe I will tell the story without too many details?  Any thoughts on this?

While telling the fam, we did run into one rocky bit.  I sent my mom an email saying we had decided it was okay to tell family.  Later that night, I got an email from an old high school friend saying my mom had just called her to tell her the good news.  What the hell?!?!?  We aren't even out of the first trimester, and she is calling random people with our news!  This girl is clearly not part of the family! 
* As this pregnancy progresses, I will likely be posting less and less on this blog (though I will definitely keep following all of you).  If you want the link to my real life blog, email me at  Just promise not to somehow give away this blog's identity!


  1. I feel you on your family telling random people. When I told both sets of parents (mine are both divorced and remarried) they both argued and pushed me to let them tell their parents. We got in arguements about it and we don't normally fight much. But I just didn't want to have to untell a million people if things didn't go as planned.
    Good luck in telling everyone else!

  2. I would tell your real story on your other blog. I think that it's important that people understand how important this pregnancy is and that there are women out there who don't come by it so easily.
    I hope things go better with your mom. I know I wuld be upset if mine told someone unauthorized.

  3. I plan on telling everyone that asks the real story if/when I get pregnant again. But I know that this is a very personal decision. I want people to know how difficult this road has been, and how wanted my future children will be. And you just wait on the twins question. I have a friend who is pregnant (accidentally!!!) with twins, and you wouldn't believe the number of intrusive questions she gets about her "natural" twins.

  4. I plan on telling everyone the whole story if I ever get past 12 weeks. My husband wasn't so keen on the idea at first but I think he's coming round to it. I have it all planned out, but the thing is, I actually have to get pregnant first.

    I'd have really been annoyed at the high school girl. Parents and relatives are mad sometimes.