it's real

We are so incredibly lucky and blessed beyond what we could imagine.  We have seen this baby's heartbeat two times (at 6 weeks and 8 weeks), and everything is going as well as possible.

As we get closer to the point where we will tell our friends, I feel myself becoming more confused about how to approach this pregnancy.  I never, ever want to disrespect the fertility treatment process.  I also never want to play into the "just relax" and "you just need a miracle" misconceptions.  We conceived on a non-medicated cycle directly following two months of suppression and drugs for a frozen cycle.  Did the frozen cycle help?  Maybe.  Were we on fertility drugs?  No.  Were we trying to get pregnant?  Absolutely.  Were we relaxed?  Absolutely not...in fact, I was probably more stressed than ever as we tried to figure out whether we could afford to do IVF again.

When telling our family, we told them that it was a mixture of the effects from the frozen cycle and a lot of luck.  I think that's the story I'm sticking with.  I just hope we get far enough to have this problem!

sac!

Due to my anxiety about another possible ectopic, my doctor agreed to do an ultrasound yesterday...and we saw a gestational sac and yolk sac!  I am simply thrilled!  My beta looked good again, but based on my betas and my ultrasound it looks like I'm about two days behind where my last period would put me.  Next Friday will be the real test--the heartbeat ultrasound.  Please pray that we see that beautiful little flutter.

We have decided to go ahead and tell our families.  We would obviously tell them if we miscarry, and I think it will make it more real to me to share our excitement.

this could be real

Third beta was 245, doubling again. I'm still really anxious but also starting to get super excited. None of our previous chemical pregnancies even got over an hcg of 100.

So now we wait. Another blood test in one week and an ultrasound in two!

looking up

Second beta came in at 119, a little more than doubling in 44 hours!  To say that I am excited is an understatement.  This could really be it--the completion of our family!!!!

ugh

First beta was only 52.  I really want to think positively, but we have been down this "low initial beta" road too many times before.

please be different

After our failed frozen cycle, I had a very heavy period. Then I seemed to ovulate a few days late. Then yesterday I started spotting, which is not how my periods usually begin. Things seemed off. So today, while bleeding, I took a test. And it was positive. I've had four positive tests today with very visible lines. I have, however, continued to bleed.

When I told my husband, he started smiling and I started crying. But they weren't happy tears- they were tears filled with fear and anxiety and nerves. I want this baby so very badly. But I am so very scared that this will end the same as our other three non-ivf pregnancies.

Praying that this time is different.