wading in

I've noticed that I'm a bit distracted lately...a bit on edge.  Maybe it's just the move, but maybe it's more.  Perhaps it is the fact that we are starting to dip our toes back into the "trying to have a baby" waters.  The twins will be one in less than a month.  We have one frozen embryo from our IVF cycle, and we are beginning to talk seriously about our FET.  There are more logistics to figure out this time...our embryo is in our home state, while we are not.  Monitoring, transfer, and follow up will be a bit more complicated.  Which is why we are talking about it.  We are making preparations now, hoping for a smooth FET sometime this winter.

Going back to the days of shots and tests and wonder and anxiety is not something I look forward to.  Sure, it will be different this time.  The stakes aren't quite as high.  No matter what, we have our twins...we have two children already.  We are parents.  But still, I long for this child.  Since the day bittiest was frozen, I have considered him my child.  I think about and pray for him often.  I bought him his own baby pumpkin at Halloween.  I cannot wait for the day when we get to meet.  I beg God that he will be strong like his brother and sister, and that he will survive and live and get to join us in this world.  No matter what, though, he is part of our family.  And I want to make every preparation possible to give him the best chance at life.

If any of you lovely ladies have advice on remote FETs, I would love to hear it.

our newest adventure

About two months ago my husband was offered a fabulous job, the kind of job that would be great for his career.  The not-so-fabulous part?  The job was more than 6 hours from our home in a city and state where we literally knew no one.  It was a hard decision, but after much consideration we decided to go for it.

For so many reasons, it felt like the right thing to do.  I am not working right now, so my career wouldn't be affected.  The twins are too young to even realize we are moving.  My husband was excited about the new opportunity.  And, while our old insurance covered 0% of infertility treatments, this new job came with a plan that covers 80%...seriously...80%.  If we want to try to add to our family, we can actually somewhat afford it now.

So, last week we left our comfy little home, the place where we've been for 11 years, and ventured into the unknown.  I know that eventually this place will become home.  That we will find friends and community and favorite places.  But right now I feel lonely.  I miss my house, my routines, and knowing how to get to Target without breaking out the GPS.  I know this will pass, but that doesn't make it less difficult, does it?